Crack the Happiness Code: Prepare and Parenting Gets Easier

After birthing a baby, a natural following is to feel you are NOT “on top of it,” - ever again! 

My first delivery was traumatizing, setting an expectation worthy of dread with every one that followed. However, following a theme in my life, it didn’t play out without a bit of comedy first.

The day before I was really in labor, my family and I visited my grandmother’s church congregation. For some unearthly reason we chose to sit on the front pew. After about thirty minutes of timing regular, strong contractions, we felt compelled to hold a mid-meeting processional down the aisle to the exit. 

Tummy in the lead, family in step, we drew chuckles and smiles from church-goers as I waddled by with an accommodating smile. Thankfully, the preacher was able to deliver his sermon without competition from me delivering mine.

That night, I became a statistic - one of the few that can’t tolerate morphine.

Just a few hours later, a disappointed but not deflated patient, I was sent home at 11pm with a shot of morphine to “help” me relax.  

I spent the night awake, managing a reaction the morphine caused me to suffer instead. Already tallying the cost in lost days of work, anxiety was added to my growing list topped by exhaustion, and I wondered if I would have the strength to birth my baby. 

The next day, contractions returned around 3 pm, perfectly timed at every street corner as we walked around our neighborhood. I did some serious pulling up of my bootstraps as we turned for home.

35 hours, and counting...

Our daughter came at the quiet hour of 11pm. I now hadn’t slept for two days, yet the delivery was easy enough that the doctor appeared just in time to catch my daughter by her shoulders. I was left with a broken tailbone and serious concerns about my capacity to feel any happiness as a new mother.

With a noisy nurses’ station just outside my door, the fresh scent of baby lotion, and a donut under my seat, I felt like I had been pushed into an alternate universe of powdery pastelled anticipation, twilight, and unfamiliarity. Despite gritting my teeth, I loved holding our tiny, wondrous miracle in my arms as I drifted in and out of sleep into daylight again.

The scene as a whole was overwhelming. But something magical happened for me in this gloriously raw beginning. In the face of incredible discomfort and exhaustion, I found myself breathing-in “possibility” from moment to moment. I told myself, “It is possible to be steady for one more moment, and another” and my body would respond through the pain. My drained emotions found rejuvenation as I drew breath in thinking, “She is the vulnerable one here. My troubles are manageable, hers, impossible, to her.” This belief that “I could <do what it took - (fill in the blank)>” was born of my daughter’s utter reliance on me.

The pain I experienced from trying to function with a broken tailbone taught me the power of preparation. I had to put my daughter’s care on pause in a safe configuration while I adjusted my physical position and then emotional improvement followed. As I cared for my physical needs, my feelings settled and moved from anxious pain management to being present and capable of thinking of her.

It didn’t stop there - 

I healed, but taking care of myself at the earliest possible hour of the day continued as a priority for me. I can’t help but think in hindsight these 31 years later that, as tough as the lesson was, preparation became a pattern that blessed my life as I parented, and my children’s as they grew into their adult years. 

My fluency in pain helped me recognize theirs, both mentally and physically, when challenges seemed impossible to overcome. Compassion took the reins of patience within me and I was more tolerant of their struggle and more capable of helping them learn the power of preparation. 

Preparing yourself and events in tangible and intangible logistics is a game changer. At first, my physical pain dictated things like what I would wear, my energy and tolerance levels during and after an event, what I needed to do to maintain happiness, wellness, and safety among other things. 

Now it is the outcome of my days and happenings I want to influence or create that drives my preparation.

Not only does preparation improve daily lived experience, but also longer-term direction. Though we may never lastingly feel fully “on top of it,” taking time to think events, conversations, schedules through to the desired outcome alters how time is spent in advance. It empowers you to achieve the things you want to achieve in your life, even amid elements of chance and uncertainty, one moment, one day, one dream at a time.

Take it Home! Questions for you -

How can your personal experience, conversations, relationships and more improve with a little bit of preparation?

Think of what it would take to make your day smooth and satisfying, perhaps even as if your day were a trip. You need be “packed” for a journey. What physical preparations do you need to make for your journey through a day in order for your mental, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual experience to be what you want?

Turn that around - what mental, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual work can you do to help the physical aspects of your day be rewarding?

Is a whole day overwhelming to prepare for? Think of a place in your day where preparation would be most rewarding to you. What three things can you do to be prepared for it? (You may include how to be sure your preparation can happen!)