Safety - As a Guide

Are there words to describe the sensation of holding a newborn baby for the first time? 

Whether holding your own infant or another’s, there is a distinct experience of innocence and awe around their delicate features, tiny fingers, powdery white blankets, and pastel toys poised, waiting for notice. 

Differently distinct is the value we place in the yet unrealized potential of our teenagers. Hopes held for them and the desperation for them to absorb love and receive wisdom can come at practically every interaction with them.

Like watching a story unfold, observing a life develop from a parent’s view is gripping at times, to say the least. As children grow and develop through myriad milestones and personal unfoldings, how can guardians be influential?

If infants could talk, and if teenagers could identify what they needed and truly wanted, what insights would they give?

What I learned in the first few moments of my mothering experience became guiding truths that proved priceless in the years to follow. 

Environment is Essential

I cradled my daughter’s little body in my arms, watching the day mature. It was clear to me that I was being instructed by her utter dependence. But what impressed me more was an inkling of her sensitivity to the environment she now found herself in. My dominant affect was magnified and I instantly began to wonder if what I brought into that space would nurture her growth or cause her difficulties.

It occurred to me that whether I believed in a heaven or simply could put two and two together, this child clearly had just come from a much more protected, consistent, peaceful environment than she now was experiencing, quiet as it was. I became aware of the need to create a safe, inviting environment for her to navigate the early challenges infants are thrown into.

Intuitively, I knew the challenges would only grow as her awareness and exposure to her world increased as her mind and body became more capable. I was aware that her capacity could expand or be inhibited, based on what I orchestrated in the space we shared.

My commitment to create a safe, pro-learning environment at that moment proved to be a key in not only my daughter’s early life, but in the lives of our other children that followed clear to today where they are now all young adults.

Taking it Home, Your Way

The beauty of families and parenting is that your role is a creative role. The environment you initially bring a child into is a reflection of what you value, what your habits and enjoyments are. As your children grow, they become co-creators by degree. You have an incredible amount of power to influence the contributions your children are capable of making. This largely happens through your example. 

Preparing to parent, I heard parenting authors say in various ways that to the degree that you “behave well,” your children will behave well. I felt this profoundly as I sat holding my first baby, feeling as needy as she was although in a different way. I wondered if I had what it took to control myself with all of my unknowns as a new mother and as a fairly new wife! This self-discovery project impressed on me was one I did not entirely expect.

I knew my work was to review my persona and make newfound desires congruent from my thoughts to my presence. It became of paramount import to review and focus myself daily to know myself better all the time and nurture myself into one capable of contributing to, not detracting from, daily happenings.

What do You Dream of Experiencing With Your Children?

For now, ask yourself the questions that follow, and enjoy taking your daily experience up a notch. I invite you to write your answers in a journal and refer to them when you do your personal reviews.

What do you envision your relationships to be like when your children are adults?

When are you happiest with your children? What elements are present during these times? What events lead up to that enjoyment?

Have you observed times in your home when you and your children seem more receptive to learning and addressing problems better than others? 

What was in place that made such times stand out in your mind? What can you learn from these times and do more of now?

You can make what you dream not only actualize in your life, you can let those dreams be a fortress that keeps out what you don’t want to experience. Baby step into those enjoyments. Start with being who you want to be.